Sophia Warner reflects on her childhood in foster care and the improvements in the service since.
You’re eight years old, you and your siblings are going into foster care, again. You feel happy, you are looking forward to having some stability, safety, but there is still that little part of you that is scared. You don’t know who you are going to be living with, or where.
This is what 30-year-old Sophia Warner went through 22 years ago. She was just two years old when she first experienced foster care and was eight when that move was made permanent.
“When you’re taken into foster care, it can be really scary. Your anxiety can be a lot because you don’t know where you’re going to go and you don’t know where you’re going to be. And that’s a lot for a child to go through. I still remember that feeling of standing out a stranger’s front door, my heart thumping, I could hear it in my head,” Sophia said.
Sophia is sharing her experience of foster care as a Foster Wales ambassador as the network of local authorities celebrates its fifth birthday.
Foster Wales was set up in 2021 as the not-for-profit collaboration of local authority fostering services across Wales. As well as focusing on the improvement of recruitment and retention of foster carers, one of the organisations main aims is to ensure that children can stay in their local area when it’s right for them.
In the last five years, 84% of children in local authority care have stayed local compared with 32% in commercial fostering agencies.
Reflecting on her story, Sophia said: “My birth father died when I was five years old. He wasn’t very active in my life, and I don’t remember him, but I know he was very violent, he was an alcoholic.
“Following my birth father’s death, my birth mother looked after us, but she unfortunately suffered badly with her mental health. She couldn’t look after us and growing up, I saw many things that a child should never see.
“I knew deep down this would save me and change the direction of my life. I felt I just needed to be a child for once and not a carer for my birth mother, I needed normality in my life. I couldn’t take care of my mother, no matter how much I loved her. I needed a good upbringing, warm clothes and a safe home.”
However, little did Sophia know, the move into long-term foster care would mark the beginning of a period of separation from her siblings.
“Me and my siblings were separated and that was one of the hardest things I ever went through. They were my roots, they were my world and they were my anchor and having them separated from me, I felt like I lost who I was.”
Sophia, originally from Brecon but now living in Cardiff, was moved two hours away from her siblings. They would meet up weekly; however, Sophia suffered with travel sickness and would spend that precious hour with her siblings trying to recover. Over the years, time with her siblings waivered, and Sophia lost touch with her birth siblings.
“As a care experienced individual, I’m so proud to see that Foster Wales are helping children stay local. For me, if I had that, it would have made a world of difference.”
Another initiative brought in by Foster Wales that Sophia has commended is the Big Welcome, an interactive web profile, where foster families can share information with children about themselves and their home – including photos of family members, pets, and the home itself. It gives children the opportunity to learn about where they are going before they get there.
“Something like the Big Welcome portal would have really mattered to me growing up. To see a face before you arrive, to hear a voice, to know one or two ordinary things about the people and the home. It doesn’t take the fear away completely, but it gives you a clearer picture. Something to hold on to.”
Sophia was supported through her education by her foster families, and went onto attend university with an undergraduate degree and MA in art. She is still close with her foster family and foster siblings and still holidays with them from time to time.
She now works as a children’s residential worker whilst balancing her passion and self-employed career as an illustrator.
“I think a lot of people have a stereotype with children growing up in care. They always think it’s that doom and gloom. But I think the beauty of growing up in foster care, I have the power to talk to anyone now because I’ve had to adapt to all these different personalities growing up.
“And it wasn’t all dark. I really did have a good experience growing up in foster care. I got two amazing foster families that have really shaped my world and made me believe in myself a lot more.
“I used to have a lot of shame growing up in foster care, but now I wear it like a medal. If I can go through that, I can go through anything. And it has most definitely given me the confidence to thrive in the world.”
To find out more about becoming a foster carer in Wales, find your local Foster Wales team.
