We’re by your side, wherever you are in Wales.
We’re a team that works together to bring a better future to children in your area.
But, to be effective together, we need to build strong personal and professional relationships.
Here, our Regional Development Manager, shares his thoughts on the importance of relationships in foster care and some stories from his years working with families in Wales.
the relationship between birth parents and foster carers
The fact is there are some children who need foster care, whether that’s babies, teens, long-term or short-term.
The reasons and circumstances bringing children into care, could affect anyone. Ordinary families caught in rough waters. But not all families have the same support available to them and rely on the systems available to help them through.
I worked with a mum and dad who were under incredible financial pressure and had often had to leave their children home alone, while they went out to work. Trying to provide for their family, meant making a choice. But this led to the children being neglected and at risk.
Their children were taken temporarily into foster care, while the family were supported to get back on their feet.
With time, Mum started doing all right. She found a better place to live. Dad also got a job, and they started having a bit of money come in.
Things just moved much more positively.
During that time, not only did a foster carer look after the children but she supported mum too by giving her clothes to wear and keeping in touch.
On the day Mum had to go to court, the foster carer went along to support her. The foster carer’s presence there, being in Mum’s corner, helped immensely. She went over and above. That kindness and that effort just gave that mum so much.
In the end, the court ruled positively, and the children returned to Mum and Dad’s care.
By the foster carer showing kindness and developing that relationship with mum, things turned out well.
relationships are important, even when children aren’t returning home
When children need long-term foster care, and not able to return home, their birth parent can still very much be a part of their lives, if this is a positive relationship.
When this happens, there also has to be some sort of relationship between the foster parent and the birth parent.
A family that will always stay with me is that of two young children.
Mum had profound mental health issues: this caused her so much heartache and pain and at times led to her trying to take her own life.
This was difficult to understand for two young children.
But their foster carer helped them to manage their expectations of Mum. She helped them to maintain their relationship with mum, by keeping in touch with mum herself, and knowing if she was in a good place.
The children stayed in care long-term and into adulthood.
The relationship with their foster parent was really important to them. She provided consistency. She would always be there, always will be.
What was also really important was that she was able to see Mum as a good person and share that with the children to develop their understanding of the mental health issues she suffered from.
They turned out really well. They’re now decent young people. And I’m convinced that understanding their background and the importance of relationships had a lot to do with that.
the relationship between siblings and their foster carers
The importance of sibling relationships in foster care shouldn’t be neglected. Although we endeavour to do so, we can’t always place them together.
We simply don’t have the space.
But, that doesn’t mean that relationships have to end.
An example of this was brothers and sisters aged 12, six, and two.
There was a very sad background with Mum. There was a lot of love, but she was ill.
We were so desperate to keep them together.
And we just couldn’t.
We just had nowhere that we could physically keep them all together.
But two individuals who lived a few miles apart managed to make the children’s lives and time together so natural.
They could live in separate foster homes but still feel connected.
They just made it work so well, particularly for the eldest child who then didn’t have to have the responsibility of looking after the younger ones, and could just be twelve.
it’s all about relationships!
If you’re considering fostering or are already fostering with a different organisation and want to switch things up, we’d love to chat. Please take the time to read our success stories, then get in touch with your local Foster Wales team.
